Babies in the sink!
07 September 2007

The illusion that we are separate from one another is an optical delusion of our consciousness.  — Albert Einstein

Recently, the children have been very draining for me.  When you have small children, you must give a lot of your self to the child.  Your world is all about the children and what they require to thrive.  And all the things that support and nourish you, as an adult, must wait.  Small children require all of your time.

So you become depleted… like a rag doll with all the stuffing removed.  And this is what has been happening over the past couple of months.  The children have required all of my time, energy, and resources.  Matt has been the one to prop me up, to hold me and sustain me — a rock that has kept me from drowning in a very stormy sea.

And, as more time passed and I have been unable to find the time to nourish myself, I have become more and more sad.  Last night, I worked out a plan to take care of myself and the children, and we’ll see if it works.  The children still get the largest slice of me, but I’m holding a little back for myself.

But, during all this, I realized something.  As I was becoming sadder and sadder, the whole family was being affected by my mood.  And, yesterday as I was coming to a crescendo of unhappiness and watching how my sadness rippled throughout the family, I thought of the Albert Einstein quote.  My little family of four is not actually four; we have bonded into one unit.  The time will come when the two children will break away and form bonds with other people, but right now, the four of us have become one.

It’s really comforting being bonded; it makes loneliness slip away into the night.  And being bonded also helps you get through the difficult times.