Jun
21

I’ve been trying to form some identity other than “Lily’s mom.” I feel like I don’t exist anymore; I am merely an extension of Lily. I have been consumed by a toddler. Even as I write this, I am standing up at my desk to type because if I sit down she will crawl over me. Between every other word, I stop to take something she has grasped from my desk and return it but farther up on the desk just beyond her reach.

I can do nothing that I want to do. It’s difficult to even write a journal entry. I only exist for her.

And I am so sad…. so so sad. Each day is a weight; each minute feels like indentured servitude. And I’m angry at being in this situation.

And then there is the inevitable guilt for even thinking these thoughts. A endless loop of guilt, sadness, and anger. Looping and looping and looping, day after day.

I love her so much, and I’m missing these precious moments in her life as my vision and emotions are covered with so much unhappiness.

I’ve got to change something, but what? This isn’t right for either her or I.

I’m so unhappy….



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