I was thinking about my house again this morning. The thoughts rolled back to money as the solution again. “If we had more money, we could buy stuff so the house would be warmer — not so stark and empty.”

But then I thought, “That can be fixed with paint, not stuff. Stuff is clutter. Paint is color.”

And then my old friend and the topic of this post appeared: fear. I’ve never done anything with any of my homes because I’m afraid I lack the creative talent to design a comfortable and inviting home. (Except when I was a small child. Children haven’t learned to judge themselves — and therefore hurt themselves — yet.)

Fear of creating crap interior design, so I don’t even try. Fear of creating a crap book, so I don’t even try. Fear of being ugly, so I don’t even try.

I’ve lived in my personal world of fear for so long, it has become an integral part of my personality. It’s woven into the pattern that is Angel.

But I don’t want to live in fear anymore.

Since it’s a part of my personality, it will be difficult to change. I’ve changed my personality in the past, so it’s possible, but not easy. And I’m not even quite sure where to start.

I don’t want to live in fear anymore. I want to create.

Maybe that’s where I start: I want to create.